


The Knife

by ClillaryHinton



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 10:50:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19333057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClillaryHinton/pseuds/ClillaryHinton
Summary: Beca POV as she deals with her feelings about Chloe going on a second date with Chicago. That may or may not happen... ;)





	The Knife

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I'd try to write what jealously feels like. Don't normally write angst, so not sure where this came from, but don't worry, it doesn't end on a dark note :)
> 
> Anna Kendrick totally played that kissing scene as Beca jealously, fight me

”That one.”

”Yeah, you’re right, I love that.”

Chloe hung the top Beca chose next to the skirt Beca had convinced her to buy while pretending to be bored by a shopping trip her roommate dragged her on. But she hadn’t been bored, not really. Standing in the fitting room with Chloe, she’d stared at her best friend in the mirror and been awed by her beauty. Again.

It wasn’t about the skirt, of course, it was just Chloe. Beca remembered a moment back in their tiny Brooklyn apartment, when she came home and found Chloe in worn sweatpants and this ridiculous fuzzy hoodie that looked like she’d killed a muppet, but she stubbornly claimed was super comfortable, and red curls in a messy ponytail and Beca stopped in the doorway, made breathless by how beautiful she was.

Chloe returned to the methodical chaos of the pre-date hotel bathroom and kept talking to Beca over her shoulder as she applied eyeliner with a practised motion. Beca realised, as Chloe absentmindedly ran the mascara brush along the edge of the container, that she would recognise that motion anywhere. She wouldn’t need to see Chloe’s face; she’d just need the repetitive motion and the little unnecessary tap on the edge to know it was her. Once, she’d been able to identify her by a picture that showed only the small of her back, nothing else. When Stacie had been impressed, Beca had brushed it off by claiming she’s spent enough time behind Chloe in Bellas rehearsals to know what she looked like. It wasn’t true. She usually stood next to her, or in front if she soloed. She lied and said she’d recognise Stacie too. She probably wouldn’t.

The knife currently lodged in Beca’s chest, twisting subtly as she gave her best friend advice on how to be desirable to the pretty boy soldier they had met on tour, wasn’t a new thing. It had been there for a while now, discreetly lodged in the bone above her heart.

She’d been able to control it until she saw Chloe being kissed by Chicago. The knife had developed a jagged edge then.

Chloe looked amazing in the skirt, Beca hadn’t been wrong about that. She didn’t care about fashion, but she knew what looked good on Chloe after all these years. So, she chose it for the second date as the knife scratched the tender chambers and soft walls of her heart, making them ache and bleed.

She should have said no when Chloe asked her to keep her company. It was a thing they did all the time, keep each other company while getting ready for things. But... it wasn’t usually for a date. Since Beca and Chloe started sharing a bed and Beca’s relationship with Jesse fizzled out, there hadn’t really been anyone else in their lives. Beca blamed it on sharing a bed, but that wasn’t the real reason, she knew that now.

Chloe knew she looked good and usually went easy on the makeup, since she didn’t really need it. When Beca watched her apply light contouring, she wanted to tell her not to change a single thing about her beautiful face. Even the barely visible dark circles under her eyes from too little sleep during the tour made Beca ache with tenderness. It broke the spell of perfection, making Chloe look human despite her Disney princess glory.

”Red, right?”

Chloe fished two lipsticks up out of the chaos that was her ginormous makeup bag for inspection. Beca knew Chloe liked the red and how it made her look like an old Hollywood movie star. But apparently, Beca’s face said no, because Chloe looked disappointed. It was dangerous. She worked so hard to not use Chloe’s faith in her to her own advantage, but sometimes she failed.

”I like the pink. Mauve. Whatever.”

Chloe smiled.

”You’re right, Bec. He’s already seen the red one. Well, more than seen…”

She winked.

Beca knew exactly how close he got to Chloe’s red lips yesterday. She remembered how she knocked on her door and sat on the edge of Beca's bed to tell her excitedly what a great date it had been and what a good kisser Chicago was. Beca sat there in her worn tank top and a pair of Jesse’s old boxers that she liked to sleep in and saw how radiant Chloe was in the half light of her room, hair a little messed up and the bright red lipstick smeared at the edges, kissed off. It had been hard to breathe. The knife slid further in, poking and prodding at her lovesick heart. She wanted to scream at Chloe to stop talking. But instead, she nodded and tried to smile, mesmerised by the blurred edges of the geisha red lipstick.

Apparently, she hadn’t been able to hide what that memory did to her. In her defence, Chloe looked great in the warm mauve she put on now. Another color Beca would learn to hate once Chloe returned tonight with messy hair and smudged lipstick.

Beca cringed when her friend put on one of Beca’s favorite songs. It was Chloe’s favorite too. She wanted to ask her to turn it off, but she had no reason. Another thing she would hate, that she used to love, like Chloe’s strawberry lipstick.  
There were so many things that were ”Chloe-and-Beca’s” now, their lives had melded seamlessly together until was hard to determine what was Beca’s taste and what was Chloe’s. Chloe’s Spotify playlists had Beca all over them and Beca’s wardrobe had gently been nudged in a tidier direction by Chloe over the years. ”Like an old married couple,” Aubrey used to say with that special tone of voice that made it impossible to determine if she was amused or disapproving and laugh. Except it wasn’t funny, because there was nothing Beca would rather be than an old married couple with Chloe. Or any kind of couple. She wanted to bang her head against the wall thinking about how everyone had seen it before she did, even Aubrey. Maybe even Amy. She still had a nagging suspicion that Amy had rigged the drawing of straws that had given Amy the double bed and landed Beca and Chloe together in the fold-out, but Amy said she would never be able to prove that.  
What if Chloe could have looked at her in that light, as a potential lover, and Beca had her head so far up her ass for all these years that she missed the opportunity?

She couldn’t just blurt it out, could she?

”Chloe, I think I’ve been in love with you for years and I don’t think I’ll ever be over you.”

She asked herself again if she was just jealous because Chicago was a threat to their friendship and how close they were. She imagined Amy moving out to be with Bumper or one of her other boyfriends. The thought made her happy for her, not jealous. She really wanted that for Amy, if it made her happy. The thought of Chloe leaving Beca to be with Chicago made her physically sick.

As for desire… Beca had always known she found Chloe attractive, anyone would. But she’d pushed it away. She couldn’t be attracted to Chloe; she was her best friend and her favorite singing partner. Wanting her was too dangerous. But she was running dangerously low on self-control. Lately, Beca felt like a raindrop on a spider’s web, trembling with surface tension before it burst.

”What do you think?”

Chloe turned around with a graceful half-pirouette and Beca stared at the lean muscles rippling under the soft skin of her perfect thighs. She wanted to kiss the soft insides, kiss her way up. Correction: she wanted to kiss Chloe everywhere. She caressed her exposed shoulders with her eyes. The first time she’d seen Chloe naked she’d struggled to keep her eyes at a respectable level. And failed… But her strong shoulders was a safe place to land when she couldn’t keep her eyes off her.

Chloe glanced at Beca’s worn leather jacket, thrown on her bed.

”Actually, can I borrow that? Don’t want to look too well behaved, right?” Chloe winked at her.

The knife dug into her sternum. Not the jacket… It was her favorite, she’d had it for years. Chloe borrowed it all the time, since Beca liked the way the collar ended up smelling of her perfume and a subtle scent of Chloe’s skin. It made her heart race, so she encouraged it. But she couldn’t bear if Chloe come back with her jacket smelling of another lover.

She shook her head.

”No.”

”OK…”

”It’s the only jacket I brought and I might be going out later.”

Chloe looked at her outfit with a face that said that she clearly doubted that, since she was already in flannel pajama bottoms. She left it alone, even if Beca could see that she was a little hurt. This wasn’t how they were with each other, Beca would totally have given her the jacket anyway, even if it meant being cold, like she usually did. But she couldn’t now and she couldn’t tell her best friend why.

”So, what do you think?”

Chloe twirled in front of Beca and she hated herself for swooning like some cheesy romance heroine.

_I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world and you’ve never looked better._

”Bec?”

”What do I think?”

”Yeah? How do I look?”

”You look fine.”

The second it was out of her mouth, she felt terrible about it. Because ”fine” didn’t mean fine. Fine is code for ”I don’t like it but I’m too chicken to say” or, even worse, code for ”you look meh”. Beca could have slapped herself. It didn’t matter, all this jealousy and regret, Chloe was the best friend she’d ever had and this was no way to treat her.

Chloe’s face fell

”Uh-uh… Just fine?”

”I’m sorry, that came out wrong. You look great. To die for.”

She heard her voice almost break. It was a subtle modulation, but she was mortified. And Chloe, always so damn perceptive when it came to Beca, sat down on her bed next to her.

”Bec… What’s wrong?”

”Nothing, what do you mean?”

”You sounded… Upset?”

”I’m not upset.”

The tone of her voice clearly said otherwise. She took a deep breath.

”Sorry, didn’t mean to snap. I’m just tired. These last few days have been a lot.”

To her immense relief, Chloe seemed to let it go.

”Yeah… You must be so excited, Bec. You have this huge adventure ahead of you.”

She’d hardly thought about getting signed by DJ Khaled or performing live in front of thousands of people since she saw Chloe in someone else’s arms. She knew she should be beside herself with joy.

”I’ll be best friends with a superstar soon.”

Chloe put her arm around her and kissed her temple. Beca felt their imprint burn her skin. When Chloe pulled away Beca wanted to beg her to keep holding her.

”It hasn’t really sunk in, I guess.”

"I totally get it. You've dreamed of hiding behind your mixing table and suddenly you're signed as a live performer, it's a lot to process."

"Yeah."

Truth was, she hadn't even started, not really. The fear of losing Chloe took up all of her mental capacity right now.

"But you're excited, right?"

"Try terrified."

Chloe hugged her again.

"You're so talented, Bec. You're going to be great, you know that, right?"

"Thanks, Chlo. I'm going to miss you guys if I go on tour."

"Aww, I'll miss you too, you know that. Always."

Yeah, that was the problem: always. She missed Chloe even when they were together sometimes. Like she couldn't get close enough.

Chloe checked the time on her phone.

"I'd better head out, or I'm going to be late. Can't keep my man waiting."

She winks and Beca's stomach lurches when she imagines her walking out that door and falling in love with someone who's not her.

Beca's almost not conscious of moving when she gets up.

"Don't."

Chloe looks down on the hand on her wrist and then up at Beca.

"Don't...what Bec?"

"Don't go. Stay with me."

Beca doesn't just mean now, right here. She might even mean forever.

"I would totally stay and keep you company. But I have a date…?"

"I know that. But Chloe, please don't. Please?"

"What's the matter, Bec? Why are you acting like this?"

There's a little break in Chloe's voice, a little wobble that might hint that she's not as oblivious as she pretends. She tries to pull her hand back, but Beca holds on harder and pulls her close.

”You know, Chloe. You have to know.”

Chloe braces herself against Beca's chest to get her to release her grip. Beca knows she's holding on too hard, but she can't help herself.

”I really don't. I need you to use your words, Beca.”

"I can't stand to see you with him. Chloe… I have feelings for you."

”No no no… Don’t do this to me…”

Beca's heart breaks at the despair in her voice.

”Why, Chloe?”

”I’ve finally…You have to let me go.”

The tone of Chloe's voice says that she doesn't just mean physically. 

Beca tears up.

”I need you to use your words, Chloe”, Beca parrots back at her. Chloe tries to push her away, but she resists. It's something between a hug and fight now. Chloe’s voice breaks.

”It took me _years_ to get over you.”

”Please don’t be over me. Please, Chlo.”

Her friend's hands are still braced against Beca's chest, still pushing her away. Beca gets up on her toes and brushes her lips against Chloe's. Chloe freezes and for a few heartbeats, they remain like that, Beca's heart hammering in her chest, Chloe's stuck at the crossroads between moving on and holding on. Beca can feel the conflict in the tense body flush against her own, just like she can feel the moment Chloe's resistance breaks and she fists her hand in Beca's hair.

The kiss is hot and deep and Beca feels like she can breathe again, even though she realises she’s been holding her breath since it started. Chloe’s tongue is demanding and flower petal soft in some strange combination that makes her weak in the knees.

Chloe pushes her away, panting.

”Are you going to break my heart again?”

Beca touches Chloe’s chest, puts her hand flat on her sternum. Chloe had a knife in her heart too. And Beca was the one who put it there. She shakes her head and tries to put everything she has into the emphatic _No_.

"Promise me, Bec?"

It kills her to know that she’s hurt Chloe. The only thing she can do now is make sure it never happens again.

"I promise."

They kiss again and Chloe's breath catches when Beca slides her hands under the top she chose for her to go on a date with another lover. Her skin is hot, smooth and silky, addictive like crack under Beca’s hands. Beca desperately wants Chloe to understand how much it means to her. Every kiss is a love letter, every touch a commitment. They should stop and talk, slow down and think before they go any further, but it doesn't happen. When Beca lifts the hem of the top, Chloe wiggles out of it impatiently and drops it where she stands. When she opens the zipper of the skirt Chloe looked so good wearing in the fitting room that Beca was sexually confused, she quickly steps out of it and leaves it in a pile on the floor. Beca's not confused anymore, not even a little.  
Chloe’s a madness inducing vision, all of Beca’s wet dreams and romantic longings in one devastating package, the transparent lace of her underwear doing almost nothing to cover her up. Beca hates that this was meant for someone else, a man who didn't know all of Chloe's quirks and charms and didn't love her like Beca loves her.

"God, Chloe… You’re so beautiful.”

She pulls her possessively close again. Chloe moans into the kiss and Beca tastes the mauve lipstick: it's a brand Chloe likes and Beca tastes the waxy hint of fruit she's smelled on Chloe so many times on her own lips. She's the one smudging Chloe's lipstick this time. Beca’s in pajama bottoms, a worn La Roux t shirt and old makeup she’s been meaning to wash off. She could probably use a shower. Still, Chloe’s hand is fisted around the fabric like she’s afraid that Beca will run away and her laboured breathing against Beca’s neck tells Beca that none of that matters. It doesn’t to Beca either. Chloe could be in her arms in pajamas too and she’d still want her as desperately.

Chloe pulls Beca's t-shirt off and stares unabashed at her naked chest. She hasn't bothered with a bra for just sitting around in her hotel room with a broken heart. Chloe brushes the back of her hand along the underside of Beca's breast and she shivers. Chloe smiles triumphantly when she pulls the drawstring of Beca's pyjama pants and they come straight off. Beca favors oversize sleepwear.

Chloe has the body of a dancer, all smooth planes and lean muscle. Beca can dance, mostly thanks to Chloe, but she isn’t really a dancer the way Chloe is. She slides her hand down the smooth plane if her lower back and follows the curve of Chloe’s firm ass. It feels intimate bordering on forbidden and turns her on furiously. There are things about Chloe she loves more than her body and her looks. Her kindness, her passion, how she’s open and trusting enough to break down the walls even of grouches like Beca. How nobody’s managed to dull her shine. How she makes Beca feel grounded and like she doesn’t have to go through this world alone.  
But Chloe naked makes her heart race and her mouth go dry. Makes her palms itch to touch her. She reaches for her with passion drunk fingers, like her palms can’t bear not to be pressed against her skin. She pushes her hand inside the flimsy bra and cups her perfect little breast, and for a moment she’s afraid she’s too rough, but then Chloe moans and knows she’s just rough enough. Beca falls to her knees in front of her and presses her lips against the soft skin of her stomach. She stops before the lacy edge of Chloe’s underwear. She hesitates briefly, stroking her hip bones with her thumbs. A deep breath later, she pulls the sheer lace down over them. She puts her hand on Chloe’s ankle and slide it up, along her toned calf and her inner thigh.  
Beca loses the upper hand as Chloe pulls her down and back against the sheets and lowers herself in the cradle of Beca’s thighs. Beca arches her back and grinds her hips impatiently against Chloe’s and Chloe groans in her ear. The room fills with the sounds of them: their laboured breathing, skin sliding against skin, silk on silk.  
Heavy lidded Chloe, with kiss swollen lips, cheeks and chest blushing pink from arousal hovering over her is the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. Her heart beats so hard it’s uncomfortable. The feeling of Chloe's sex against her own is incredible.

She slides a hand down between them. Chloe’s warm and slick under her eager fingers. She groans when Beca circles her clit with her fingertips. Slowly, she pushes into the tight, soft velvet. Chloe moves against her fingers, soft walls contracting around her. Beca presses her heel of her hand against her clit and Chloe groans again, in that smoky bedroom voice Beca hears for the first time. She loses track of space and time as she feels Chloe getting restless under her touch, breath irregular. This feels totally surreal and like the most real thing that’s happened to her, all at once.

"God, Beca… Beca…"

Chloe keeps saying her name, like she likes the way it feels on her tongue. It drives her crazy.  
Beca's certain she'll remember every breath, every sigh and every motion as Chloe comes, leaving her hand drenched in her arousal. Chloe lays down on her with her full weight, her erratic breath warm against Beca's neck. She traces her back and arms with the tips of her fingers as her lover comes down from her high.

"That was so hot…"

She can feel Chloe smiling in the crook of her neck.

When she's caught her breath, she starts kissing her way down Beca's body.

"I'm glad I don't have to feel guilty about staring at your boobs anymore..."

Beca gasps as she swirls her tongue around her nipple. She buries her hand in Chloe's red curls to try to convince her to keep doing it. But she gets distracted by her hand traveling up her inner thigh. She can feel how wet she is already.

Then she goes further down and Beca holds her breath until the tip of her tongue touches her sex and she makes an undignified noise and Chloe responds by moaning as she kisses her there full on. Beca thinks that she should be the one making that noise because Chloe's warm lips on her sex is the hottest thing that's ever happened to her and she pushes her hips involuntarily closer as she comes undone. She's so loud when Chloe slides her tongue into her that she's relieved the other girls are already in the hotel bar. When Chloe does that thing, that magical thing she did when she kissed her breast, she comes so hard she had trouble catching her breath.

Chloe’s lips are shiny with Beca’s arousal as she comes back up. She wipes of excess moisture at the side of her mouth with her hand with a surprisingly dainty gesture, considering what she’s wiping off. Only Chloe can look that sweet and sexy doing something as filthy as wipe Beca’s come off her face. Even though she’s just climaxed, it turns her on.

Chloe was way better at this than Beca’s other lovers. She frowns as the implication sinks in.

”Have you done...that before?”

Chloe straddles her and looks down at her with amusement on her face.

”You’re cute when you’re jealous.”

”I’m not jea… Urgh, maybe I am.”

Chloe kisses her tenderly.

”I’ve imagined being with you like this a hundred times. Just because I failed Russian lit doesn’t mean I can’t google.”

The mental image of Chloe googling oral sex and imagining doing it to Beca turned her on furiously.

Chloe was teasing her, but there was a hint of sadness in her voice that wasn’t lost on Beca.

”I’m sorry… I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

”How about...right now?”

Swiftly, Chloe changed her position and pressed her warm, slick folds against Beca’s. Beca gasped and sought more friction. She knew when she had lost the upper hand.

"Have you been with a woman before?"

"Can we have less talk and more of this?"

Beca's breathless when she answers.

"You're cute when you're jealous", she echoes and smiles at Chloe.

”So? Have you?”

”No. You’re the only one."

She meant that literally. Chloe felt like the only woman in the word to her. She was so high on Chloe and the way she felt and tasted, she almost said it out loud, which she knew would be insane the first time in bed with someone.

So, she shows her. Chloe’s nails dig into Beca’s shoulder as she flattens her tongue against her soft folds, but she notices the slight pain only on some abstract level.

”Bec… I don’t think I can so soon…”

Beca moved her tongue again and Chloe’s soft moan belied the statement. Chloe tastes primal and hot against her inquisitive tongue and lips. It feels alien at first, but then strangely familiar, like this is something she's meant to be doing.

This time, she recognises the signs of her upcoming climax and increases pressure and urgency to push Chloe over the edge. She feels like the queen of motherfucking everything when it happens. There's nothing Beca would rather be in this world than a good lover to Chloe.

She crawls back up and Chloe opens her arms. Beca lies down facing her and smiles lazily at her new lover.

Without warning, Chloe bites her lower lip. Hard.

”Ow! What was that for?”

Chloe leans her forehead against Beca’s

”That’s for making me wait for you for so long.”

She soothes the bite with a soft kiss.

”That’s because I’m really glad you’re here.”

"I am too. Maybe not right now… But still. " she grouches as she touches her sore lip. When Chloe kisses her again, she forgets all about the biting.

Chloe plays with a strand of her hair.

”I used to think my type was ’tall, dark and handsome’. I guess it’s ’small, dark and handsome’.”

”Eh, rude.”

Beca feigns offense for her lover’s amusement when Chloe sits straight up, a look of horror on her face.

”Oh my god!”

”What?”

”Chicago…”

She picks up her phone and sees a string of first tentative and then disappointed messages with a horrified expression on her face.

Beca almost feels sorry for the guy. Imagine being stood up by Chloe Beale? Almost. But not quite…

”I have no idea what to tell him.”

”Tell him… That there’s this person in your life who’s been a total idiot and took ages to tell you how she feels about you. But you finally talked last night, and you’ve decided to forgive her, since she…

Beca takes a deep breath.

”...since she loves you. And it's going to be you and her from now on.”

Beca pushes her face against Chloe’s shoulder. She deeply uncomfortable being this vulnerable, but she’ll do anything to show Chloe she’s serious.

”Really?”

”Yeah…”

After replying to her jilted lover with a troubled frown on her face, Chloe snuggles closer to Beca, as close as she can get. She pulls Beca’s arm around her and aligns them perfectly. Beca's spent so many nights lying awake in their tiny Brooklyn apart, looking at Chloe's back and wishing she could be as close to her as she is now.

"What did you tell him…?"

"I asked him to breakfast tomorrow."

Beca stiffens.

"Bec… It's the least I can do for standing him up. I owe him an explanation."

"OK."

Beca tried not to sound too grumpy about it, she knew Chloe was right. She'd always been way more polite and considerate than Beca. Besides, she should really feel sorry for him. Imagine almost having Chloe and then losing her. Beca hugged her closer as they drifted off to sleep.

She awoke a few hours later, missing Chloe's warmth. Her new lover is awake.

”Can’t sleep?”

”Don’t want to.”

Chloe rolls over on her back.

”Touch me?”

She takes Beca’s hand and she knows what she’s asking.

The room is almost pitch black. But she doesn’t need light. Beca Mitchell knows every line and every curve of Chloe Beale and she can see her in the dark. She corrects herself: almost every curve… Because this? This is still feels new. Beca’s heart races as she cups her breast and slides her hand down her stomach. She already hot and slick against the tips of her fingers and Beca groans.

"I'm so sorry it took me so long to catch on, Chlo. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"You're doing a pretty good job so far," Chloe whispers breathlessly against her lips.

***

Beca wakes up to find Chloe getting dressed. For breakfast. With Chicago… She tries to be an adult about it, she really does.

"Do you have to go?"

"I do. I owe him that much."

She wraps her arms around Chloe.

"Can't you just text him…?"

"Bec…"

"OK, OK… I know, I'm sorry. You're right."

But it doesn't mean she doesn't wait for Chloe returning with clammy palms and a nervously beating heart. What if that pretty boy manages to convince Chloe that she's made the wrong choice. What if she sees him and realises that "tall, dark and handsome" actually beats "small, dark and handsome"?

She knows she's being unreasonable. But she just really wished that the woman she hopes will be her girlfriend wasn't on a date with someone else right now. She just started to debate herself about going down to breakfast saying she got hungry and claim she wasn't trying to spy on Chloe and Chicago at all when her best friend and new lover returns.

She brought her coffee and a bagel, but most of all she brings a long passionate kiss that makes Beca weak in the knees and calms her anxiously beating heart.

"How was it?"

"He was disappointed, but he understood. He said he wasn't that surprised. Apparently, you've been staring daggers into him for the last few days...”

Beca raised her eyebrows in faux surprise. Chloe shook her head benevolently at her.

”What did you tell him?”

Chloe leans her forehead against Beca’s.

”That there’s this idiot I know, who took ages to tell me how she feels, but I kind of love her. So, it’s going to be me and her from now on.

Beca looks down as Chloe pulls the knife out of her heart and watches it disintegrate in her hand.


End file.
